'बेदर्द' 

मेरे यार कहते है बड़ा बेदर्द है तू 

ये सुनके दिल में दर्द होता है खूब 

यारों दिल में तो दर्द है इतना 

सात समुन्दरो में न होगा पानी मेरे दर्द जितना 

क्या बताएं यारो तुम्हे अपने दुखरो की कहानी 

तुम समझ ना पाओगे क्या है हमारी परेशानी 

हम वो नहीं जो अपने दुःख से दुनिया को रुलाये पर 

हम तो अपने दर्द को छुपाये और दुनिया को हसाए 

फिर भी मेरे यार कहते है बड़ा बेदर्द है तू 

ये सुनके हँसत हूँ, एक दर्द और अपने दिल में छुपा लेता हूँ .

-अवनीश गुप्ता 

THEY LIED TO US

I have completed my second year of engineering, but let’s go back a little in time when I was in 10^th standard. The year was 2008 and I was going to give the much HYPED board examinations. Like any other normal student I was very tensed and was under enormous amount pressure of performing well. Why? I tell you why, because the world told to me “Son this is the most crucial year and your career depends on it, you perform well here life will be walk in the park”. Well what other option did I a 16 year old naïve one had, if they are saying so then it must be so. So with a great feeling of optimism  I said let’s do it and gave my best shot. Well the result was pretty good, almost what I had expected and it felt as if I had conquered the world. Parents were happy and everyone was congratulating me over my so called big success.

Everything was going smooth when thunder struck. The world now had forgotten what had been achieved until so far. Everyone was interested in what is he going to do next. Which stream would it be? Some said commerce you know become a CA, others wanted me to be an engineer and a couple of people wanted a doctor in their family. Well I was pretty clear what I had to do, so decided to take up science stream (non-medical ).  Then I was told you need to do something extra to achieve something in life and get ahead of others. Well I was 17 only and once again gave in to the advice of others. Like lakhs of other students across India got myself involved in a rat race chasing the best for myself. And once again the world told to me “Son the next two years are very crucial and your career depends on it, you perform well here life will be walk in the park”. They are the experienced ones, they know it better  and once again geared myself up for a  journey that was no less than hell. I joined coaching classes for engineering entrance examinations. Five days a week school and then slogged weekends at the coaching centre, this went on for a couple of years thinking after this I can live on my own terms. Besides this again 12^th standard board examinations came and the pressure was back again. But it all got over finally. Gave my boards and got a pretty good result again. Entrance exams went fine too and got myself a seat in an engineering college and once again the feeling was “I am the king of this world”.

Now there was excitement that finally college life is here. All that I had seen in movies till now was going to turn into reality and it did so. But reality hit me hard again. I realized this world did everything to make you and your achievements feel small. Regular assignments, mid semester exams and final papers were the new things on the block and above all was the trauma of maintaining your pointer(CPI). The world once again told me “Son perform well during these four years and life will be a walk in the park for you.”  Once again believing in their LIE took up studies seriously . Results have been  pretty decent so far and now after two years I am in a formidable situation.

Finally a feeling had sunked in that finally life will be a walk in the park from now on but it is said the moment you think you have control over your life that’s when life shows it’s true nature and that is what has happened here too.  “Son everyone nowadays takes up engineering , you need to raise your bar and get ahead. So what is your plan after B.Tech? You do a post-graduation from a good place and life will be a walk in the park after that.” Is what I am hearing from this world now.

And after 20 years of dreaming that my LIFE WILL BE A WALK IN THE PARK I doubt whether this dream will ever actually come true. I doubt if ever this cycle of lies and consequent optimism is going to end? Whether this world will ever be satisfied? Whether this world ever stop trying to raise the bar? I hope that someday I finally get my answers to all these questions. I hope I finally can find the park that had been promised to me and I have been trying to look for till now . Until then  this feeling of optimism is what all I have to keep with me and move ahead .

     

   "मकसद"

मेरे  होने  का  मकसद क्या  है 

इसके  जवाब  से  अभी  तक  वाकिफ  नहीं  हूँ

ज़िन्दगी  का  सफ़र  तो  चालू  कबका  कर दिया  है 

पर मंजिल  से  अभी  तक  वाकिफ नहीं   हूँ 

इस  सफ़र  में  मिलले तो  बहुत है 

पर   उन्न  सबकी  नियत  से  अभी  तक  वाकिफ  नहीं  हूँ 

एक  पल  कुछ   करने  का  जी  चाहए 

तो  अगले  ही  पल मन कही  और  दौड़  जाए 

सब  एक  पहेली  जैसा  नज़र  आये 

पर  ज़िन्दगी  एक  पहेली  ही  तो  है  ये  जान  गया  हूँ 

और  इस  पहेली  को  सुलझाना  ही  ज़िन्दगी  है  ये  समझ  गया  हूँ .

- अवनीश गुप्ता 

"विश्वासघात" 

जिनको  अपना  समझा  था

वो  हमी  को  न समझ  पाए

जिनपे  हमने  विश्वास  किया  था

वो  हमी  पर  विश्वास  न  कर  पाए

ज़िन्दगी  में  इतने  धोके  खा  चूका  हूँ अब

की  समझ  नहीं  आता  किसको अपना  समझूं

किस  पर  विश्वास  करून  अब

अब  हमको  कोई   समझना  भी  चाहे

अब  कोई   विश्वास  का  खेल  फिरसे खेलना  भी  चाहे

तो  डर  लगता  है  की  इस ज़ख़्मी को कही  एक  ठोकर  और  न  पढ़  जाए

ज़िन्दगी  का  सफ़र  अकेले  ही  शुरू  किया  था

 अकेले  ही  चला  जा रहा  हूँ

और अकेले  ही  ख़तम   करूँगा   ऐसा    लगता  है

फिर  भी  दिल  में  एक  आशा  की  किरण  है 

की  कही  किसी  मोड़  पे  एक  मुसाफिर  और  मिलेगा

और  यह  सफ़र  हमारे  साथ  पार  करेगा .

- अवनीश गुप्ता 

          "नाजाने"

दिन भर सोच तेरे बारे थक जाता हूँ मैं 

बेचैन दिल से सोने चला जाता हूँ मैं 

उसकी आँखें नाजाने क्या नशा कर गई है मुझपे 

वो नाजाने कौनसा प्यार का जाम पिला गई है मुझे 

की कम्भाक्त मेरे सपनो में भी चली आती है 

और रोज़ रात मेरी नींद उड़ा ले जाती है .  

- अवनीश गुप्ता