THE MIDNIGHT OIL

One week to go before the final examinations start (or maybe less than that for the more daring ones). Tension starts to creep onto your mind and the worry whether you can at least deliver a decent performance in your examinations starts to eat you up. It’s a period when suddenly we become self motivators, giving ourselves confidence boost by creating an imaginary bubble around ourselves that the situation is not that much out of control. We curse ourselves for allowing yourself to fall into the trap again and yes then the damage control starts with the great thought in our minds “There is always a next time,  this won’t happen ever again.” In fact pages on facebook have been created on this very real yet unattainable thought. (Personally this crunch situation always reminds me of the Indo-Pak Kargil war of 1999 where India cursed itself for having allowed the intrusion along the Line of Control(LOC) for which we had to pay a heavy price but the difference is that the Indian army never had to curse itself again for this unlike us.)

Already one paragraph down and I haven’t yet come up with the main issue that I want to highlight. So students start to prepare for their examinations, the routine gets all upside down. Generally students who used to sleep in the 10-12 pm slot now suddenly develop an habit to stay up late (2-4 am) and study. I don’t know whether this is psychological or what but studying for your examinations especially during late night makes you feel as if you are the one who has written the course book in contradiction to the reality of being the one who has actually struggled to even read it. I think it is in mind only that we feel so because the thought that “I am studying when the rest of the world is sleeping” makes you IMAGINE that you are working your ass off (working hard). Now the truth my friend is that this is not true. The actual scenario is that you had been just sitting on your ass for the past two months whereas the rest of the world was working their asses off even then, they are doing it today and will do it tomorrow also. That is why I say “God is fair.”  So it is NO BIG DEAL that you are staying up late for a week just to study that to for yourself that to because you didn’t do so before when you had to.

Two paragraphs down and my main issue is yet to come up and it’s here finally. You stayed up late studied hard with full concentration and instead of your normal routine of sleeping at 11 pm you slept at somewhere 2:30 am in the morning. I say good job done. But this is just one side of the story. The other side of this unique coin (which is the main issue…finally) is that earlier you used to get up at say 7 am (considering a normal 8 hour period of sleep) but now you get up at 10 am. So my question to all is that eventually what is the point of studying late?  Ultimately you were getting a sleep of 8 hours earlier also and now also. Students get up late with AUTHORITY as if they had been working in a Hitler’s concentration camp and finally have been freed. Parents yes how can I forget them, they create hype about this issue more than the students themselves which ultimately persuades the mind of the students.

  

A typical scenario is something like this

Dad: It is 8 o’clock already why is he\she still sleeping?

Mom: Let him\her sleep. He \she was studying till 3 am.

Dad: Oh! Is that so? Then let it be.

You: Zzzzzzzzz…….

Now I can understand the psychology of the parents that ultimately they are ‘PARENTS’ but my friend what about you?  Don’t you think you should make up for all the fun you had earlier by working your ass off a bit more harder because when results come your parents are the one to screw you, a harsh reality. Practically the real motive of studying late is to cover up for the time lost, not replace it. So if you stay up late to study (I hope you study at least at that time) and get up late also then I would say NO BIG DEAL.

THEY LIED TO US

I have completed my second year of engineering, but let’s go back a little in time when I was in 10^th standard. The year was 2008 and I was going to give the much HYPED board examinations. Like any other normal student I was very tensed and was under enormous amount pressure of performing well. Why? I tell you why, because the world told to me “Son this is the most crucial year and your career depends on it, you perform well here life will be walk in the park”. Well what other option did I a 16 year old naïve one had, if they are saying so then it must be so. So with a great feeling of optimism  I said let’s do it and gave my best shot. Well the result was pretty good, almost what I had expected and it felt as if I had conquered the world. Parents were happy and everyone was congratulating me over my so called big success.

Everything was going smooth when thunder struck. The world now had forgotten what had been achieved until so far. Everyone was interested in what is he going to do next. Which stream would it be? Some said commerce you know become a CA, others wanted me to be an engineer and a couple of people wanted a doctor in their family. Well I was pretty clear what I had to do, so decided to take up science stream (non-medical ).  Then I was told you need to do something extra to achieve something in life and get ahead of others. Well I was 17 only and once again gave in to the advice of others. Like lakhs of other students across India got myself involved in a rat race chasing the best for myself. And once again the world told to me “Son the next two years are very crucial and your career depends on it, you perform well here life will be walk in the park”. They are the experienced ones, they know it better  and once again geared myself up for a  journey that was no less than hell. I joined coaching classes for engineering entrance examinations. Five days a week school and then slogged weekends at the coaching centre, this went on for a couple of years thinking after this I can live on my own terms. Besides this again 12^th standard board examinations came and the pressure was back again. But it all got over finally. Gave my boards and got a pretty good result again. Entrance exams went fine too and got myself a seat in an engineering college and once again the feeling was “I am the king of this world”.

Now there was excitement that finally college life is here. All that I had seen in movies till now was going to turn into reality and it did so. But reality hit me hard again. I realized this world did everything to make you and your achievements feel small. Regular assignments, mid semester exams and final papers were the new things on the block and above all was the trauma of maintaining your pointer(CPI). The world once again told me “Son perform well during these four years and life will be a walk in the park for you.”  Once again believing in their LIE took up studies seriously . Results have been  pretty decent so far and now after two years I am in a formidable situation.

Finally a feeling had sunked in that finally life will be a walk in the park from now on but it is said the moment you think you have control over your life that’s when life shows it’s true nature and that is what has happened here too.  “Son everyone nowadays takes up engineering , you need to raise your bar and get ahead. So what is your plan after B.Tech? You do a post-graduation from a good place and life will be a walk in the park after that.” Is what I am hearing from this world now.

And after 20 years of dreaming that my LIFE WILL BE A WALK IN THE PARK I doubt whether this dream will ever actually come true. I doubt if ever this cycle of lies and consequent optimism is going to end? Whether this world will ever be satisfied? Whether this world ever stop trying to raise the bar? I hope that someday I finally get my answers to all these questions. I hope I finally can find the park that had been promised to me and I have been trying to look for till now . Until then  this feeling of optimism is what all I have to keep with me and move ahead .

HALF WAY THROUGH...!!!!

As I was sitting in a train on my way back to Delhi from Jaipur I realized that I have actually completed half of my engineering. Well my end semester examinations of second year of graduation just got over and the next three months are to be spend at home, yes three months off from college..!!!  I always had aspired to become an engineer. Looking out of the train’s window and seeing the trees speeding  past me I realized I how similar to these trees my time during the last two years in The LNMIIT  had passed away so quickly. Last couple of years has not only made me acquire and develop my engineering skills only but much more than that. It has journey been I would say worth living for. Staying away from home for the first time and being exposed to the open real world it helped me understand the dynamics of it.

First of all talking about the hostels itself I would say that hostel life is simply awesome. Infact I would say that hostel life is an integral part of engineering, without it it’s just incomplete. It just gives you and takes nothing. By giving I mean to say it gives you the experience to be on your own, have a firsthand experience of what it’s like to be independent. It helps you develope as a person, realize the true character of this world. You are bound to make some good friends as has been the case with me, On the lighter site the fun and the thrills it gives you is just incomparable to anything and that is what makes hostel life worth it. Infact writing about this has made me nostalgic about my own hostel experiences during the last two years. If I sit down to write everything that has happened uptill now I would end up writing a book.

Reading up till now one might feel that engineering is all about having fun but I would like to say that it’s not at all like that my friend, with all the long and tiring lectures, regular assignments that you don’t have a clue about and of course the dreadful examinations engineering is one hell of a journey and it’s no child play. If at one end it’s the fun of staying in a hostel then on the other hand there is this huge amount of pressure to perform and achieve something to make yourself worthwhile. The parents wants you give a constant performance, get good grades and besides that there are your own expectations from yourself. Many students who have the potential just take the wrong path during these crucial years. Staying in a hostel also adds pressure especially when your friends are performing well and you are not!!!

 One thing I have cherished most about the last two years is that there have been numerous instances when I have been down and out, all alone by myself, but I still managed to rise up again. I feel life is all about this only, to discover about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. With engineering another thing that becomes an important part of your life is your CPI i.e. cumulative point index if anyone of you doesn’t know about it. For some their CPI is a matter of pride while for some it’s just the opposite. My advice to all of you out there would be never ask three things in life a woman’s age, a man’s salary and an engineer’s CPI !!!  Well I would like to stop here right now as engineering life is something I can go on and on and unfortunately my station is here. It’s times to go home and with two years gone and two to go I have many expectations. The next two years I hope will be even better, something special something that can be cherished for the rest of my life because you get only one such opportunity.